What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Randomize
