is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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