He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
