Cold hands, warm shart.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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