Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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