then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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