it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
