No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
