Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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