someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
