I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
