What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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