I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize