Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
