I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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