At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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