There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
