I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
