If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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