Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
