If that was your dad, he is hot
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
