The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize