just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
