She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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