forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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