What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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