Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
