Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize