i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
