He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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