White coat. Heels.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
