Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
