do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
