Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
