it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
