i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
