I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
