At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize