Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
