There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
