hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
