you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
