So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize
