Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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