If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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