dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
