Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
