doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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