Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
