and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
