Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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