I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
