It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
