You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
