worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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