This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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