cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm like, not good at living.
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