i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Found the puke drawer
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize