when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
