it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
