I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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